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XXIII

by Callista

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callista23fan Lost for words. Absolutely beautiful like everything you create! Favorite track: waterlily tomb.
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    After watching the Jim Carrey film The Number 23 at a sleepover I always dreaded turning 23.
    On March 13th 2020 I turned 23 and we all know what happened after that.
    Anyway I ended up with a silly number of songs so I thought I'd record and share some with you and try and use them to raise some money for young people in crisis (https://www.barnardos.org.uk/coronavirus-crisis-appeal for details). If you buy the album, what you spend will go to this cause. Thank you in advance.
    Have a loving Good Friday and a lovely Easter,
    Love, Callista

    *PURCHASABLE TODAY (2nd April) AND TODAY ONLY*
    Purchasable with gift card

     

1.
Get out of the car, it's Truman show morning light at Five forty five in the evening Give granny my arm, in a week it will be alright to Sit for a while without leaving I give thanks to a God that I can't but believe in on Days like this that bloom and blissfully Billow before my eyes 'Cos when you've been up since four in the morning It feels like a miracle, this evening sunrise I said at the time it's nice to be out tonight and say Hey I'm Callista While waiting in line I felt like a socialite, I didn't know him But I knew his cousin and his sister I give thanks to you God and think I'll make a list of the Things you do that bloom and beautifully Billow before my eyes 'Cos when you've been up since four in the morning It feels like a miracle, this evening sunrise Birds of the morning humming at night "It's not too late, we await your flight" Birds of the morning humming at night "It's not too late, we await your flight" Birds of the morning humming at night "It's not too late, we await your flight" Birds of the morning humming at night "It's not too late" I give thanks to a God that I can't but believe in on Days like this that bloom and blissfully Billow before my eyes 'Cos when you've been up since four in the morning It feels like a miracle, this evening sunrise
2.
I had a dream last night you took your life and gave it to a tree You’d only sight for your lonely strife and not a single thought for me You came back with a girl from the middle world more heavenly than me She had short brown hair and not the slightest care for our heavy world so earthly Well maybe she’s your heaven Maybe she’s your heaven I went to the zoo just to talk to you because you said it was the closest place to heaven you knew Didn’t remember me, it made me miss that tree somehow So I asked you about it, and how you found it, you said I’d never understand, I’m too damn grounded Said the sun shone bright through the coolest nights and the chill it made you light Am I too heavy for your heaven Too heavy for your heaven Too heavy for your Too heavy for your heaven I went to the zoo just to talk to you because you said it was the closest place to heaven you knew Didn’t remember me, it made me miss that tree somehow
3.
I tried to write a novel but I’m not that good at squeezing Sentences out of sentiments And down here in my hovel I’m not people pleasing Tell me is this love without consequence And all that makes it different And all that makes it new Is all that keeps it hidden Is all that keeps it you I am at the bottom of a building falling under Secret sadness in the sky Rain from clouds forgotten that will wet us all if we don’t Take good shelter in disguise And all that makes it different And all that makes it true Is all that keeps it hidden Is all that keeps it you There’s a drawer beneath my bed with Pages of the things I’ve said in dreams How phrases dance around my head How walking lets words set like lead it seems There’s a drawer beneath my bed with Pages of the things I’ve said in dreams The voices singing in my head How talking lets words set like lead it seems And all that makes it different And all that makes it new Is all that keeps it hidden Is all that keeps it you And all that makes it different And all that makes it true Is all that keeps it hidden Is all that keeps it all that keeps it you
4.
I want to weep a pot of paint And pain my bleak house blue Then gleam my tears into a glass House topped with pots of you I want to plant in them complaints About your shade of blue Then bask beneath the shade of saints That grow from grunts we strew I want to rip off withered leaves And crack my glasshouse blue So shards of glass and leaves may leave A waterlily tomb Then most of all I want to dance Through smitten afternoon Sun beams through cracks so love refracts Off waterlily tombs Whose tomb Says you Sulking by my loom Whose tomb Says you Weaving words of gloom Whose tomb Says you Sulking by my loom Whose tomb Says you Weaving words of gloom I want to weep a pot of paint And pain my bleak house blue Then gleam my tears into a glass House topped with pots of you I want to plant in them complaints About your shade of blue Then bask beneath the shade of saints That grow from grunts we strew I want to rip off withered leaves And crack my glasshouse blue So shards of glass and leaves may leave A waterlily tomb Then most of all I want to dance Through smitten afternoon Sun beams through cracks so love refracts Off waterlily tombs
5.
You can’t hear this but I’m so in love with You won’t like this but it’s all I see as true You are the light I can’t see That flickers in flinches in me Scars painted yellow on blue I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting you Too I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting you Too I am all spent up on little ways to lie The only honest thing I do is cry You are the light I can’t see That glimmers in glitches in me It’s not helpful I know but it’s true I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting you Too I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting you Too Sanctify my sight Clean my eyes of dirt Holy is the night When you bless my hurt When you walk away from it When you talk of days without it When you walk away from it When you talk and when we talk When you You You You You are the light I can’t see That flickers in flinches in me Scars painted yellow on blue I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting you Too I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting You are the light I can’t see That glimmers in glitches in me It’s not helpful I know but it’s true I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting you Too I wish I knew how to hurt without hurting you Too
6.
Wildflowers against mountains: beautiful; sublime One withstands (the) winters, one withers with time Lightly falling petals, waterfalls of ice She’s got a frosty coating but it melts when you shine But if that scares you, close your eyes And let the splendour of its size Embrace you, if it Feels too high Mountains to climb But it’s sublime (Enduring love) I’ve no right to tell you what is right or wrong But I’m sending out a sigh on the wings of my song And it’s blowing through the wildflowers And it’s bursting their throng Whispering the truth that they’ve known all along But if that scares you, close your eyes And let the splendour of its size Embrace you, if it Feels too high Mountains to climb But it’s sublime Open your eyes Open your eyes Open your eyes Open your eyes Open your eyes Open your eyes Open your eyes Open your eyes Wildflowers against mountains: beautiful; sublime One withstands winters one withers with time Lightly falling petals, waterfalls of ice She’s got a frosty coating but it melts when you shine
7.
Ask me to stay Ask me to stay Ask me to stay Ask me to stay When I was younger I dreamt of this place. The landscape’s a fragment of your face Its green tides are your eyes, and I’m leaving soon So take off your sunglasses, look in our cocoon Foam up my coffee I’m sipping the sea There’s salt in the bread that you bought when you Loved me enough to leave me, left me at noon To lie in with your soft toys In our cocoon Ask me to stay Ask me to stay Ask me to stay Ask me to stay Time to go; you’re out digging a grave for your dog Your back glistens with sweat it reflects all of the Sky blue behind you. Blue ‘till the moon I think I’ll see one more of In our cocoon At night the sprinklers are swaying like ghosts Drunkenly making their way to the coast and their Humming a lullaby, hissing a tune that I’ll Sing you one more of In our cocoon And one day I’ll take the train behind your house And watch the wanderers in your town I’ll think I’ve never been one And I’ll get off at Pieve where the platform’s pink You’ll miss me but I’ll be back in a blink For the bliss of kiss with stored-up kink And you’ll ask me stay Ask me to stay Ask me to stay Ask me to stay When I was younger I dreamt of this place The landscape’s a fragment of your face Now your closed eyes are cliff sides 'Cos I’m leaving soon Crying behind sunglasses In our cocoon Ask me to stay Ask me to stay Ask me to say I love you enough to leave you one day I don’t have to stay I don’t have to stay I don’t have to stay But on the train I’ll remember Rainy April After Rome The best night’s sleep I’ve ever had It felt like home Rainy April After Rome The best night’s sleep I’ve ever had How it felt like home Rainy April After Rome The best night’s sleep I’ve ever had It felt like home Rainy April After Rome The best night’s sleep I’ve ever had How it felt like home Like home Like home Like home
8.
9.
Playing pool at the hospital at three in the morning Playin’ it cool by the mortuary, no room for mourning He sends love to the one he trusts to make night his morning He sends love to the one he trusts to make night his morning Flicks a switch on the kettle ‘cos his tea has grown colder Not a bitch but he’ll tell her when her silence is colder There’s a room right beside him where the bodies lie colder than ours Than ours Than ours Than ours I don’t know how the story ends I’m thinking it over and I’m Lying to all my friends pretending I’m over feeling Blue but I can’t pretend that it could be over with you Not thinking it’s over with you Just thinking it over Playing pool at the hospital till duty comes calling Playin’ it cool, just a Christian boy fulfilling his calling He sends love to the one he trusts and holds back from calling He sends love to the one he trusts and holds back from calling Flicks a switch on the kettle, staying up is a battle Not a bitch but he’ll tell her when she’s weaving a battle There’s a man right above him who is losing his battle, oh Lord Oh Lord Oh Lord Oh Lord Circle right back to me again still thinking it over Too much time cold alone in bed How could I be over feeling Blue but just like I said it Couldn’t be over with you Just thinking it over Just thinking it over Just thinking it over He returns from the hospital In one night he has seen it all Softly breaks down my woollen wall In his eyes now I see it all Now I know how the story ends Now thinking it over Time to listen to all my friends it’s Time to get over feeling Blue ‘cos I can’t pretend I’ll ever be over you Now thinking is over Just thinking that over How thinking is over with you Just thinking that over How thinking is over It’s over It’s over It’s over It’s over It’s over It’s over It’s over It’s over
10.
My dear you’re the colour of the bracelet you gave me to celebrate a year Since you fell in love with me inadvertently and brought me here And we dined on blood red steak and wine To celebrate that your red blood was mine (or something like that) And our blood ran green Oh what a scene How our blood ran bluish green Oh what a scene My dear I wear your eyes around my wrist My dear you were the first man that I kissed After I cut my hair And became self-aware Became a woman Found my peace as a woman And my blood ran green Oh what a scene How my blood ran bluish green Oh what a scene My dear you left in such a rush this morning No surreptitious touch, no fawning So I scribbled this song on a seating plan And slipped out to see my man And my dear you were surprised Your eyes were bright green traffic lights I said I’m sorry about that fight You said we’d try again tonight And your blood ran green Oh what a scene How your blood ran bluish green Oh what a scene And our blood ran green Oh what a scene How our blood ran bluish green Oh what a scene
11.
I spent six weeks away from my boy I found myself a small soft toy Like something from a book I read in youth And in that book how it was loved Like it had come from up above Somehow it had a look that said the truth Why do we tend to love the small? We love for we can love it all I wrote that for a lover from my youth For love's to cherish and to hold A tiny speck of precious gold But I couldn't send a card that hid the truth Soft soul where are you? Do you feel it too? I write this song at twenty three Oh what on earth’s become of me How do I have the nerve to muse on youth? But I’ve been aged by shyest wars Which locked our youth behind closed doors With nothing else to ponder but the truth Soft soul where are you? Do you feel it too? Now truth will age the best of us And paralyse the rest of us And lies will let some marinate in youth But from the start we’ve got an ache It makes the smothered child’s heart break We need to love – not be loved – that’s the truth
12.
I put my keyboard in front of my cupboard because I don’t need to access my clothes My bare foot is cold on the pedal but playing sends Tingles right down to my toes My song sister gets blisters from strumming guitars I’ve been breathless from my clarinet But I’ll tell you, my piano’s not hurt me yet So I’ll play all day And I think of Mick Kelly and how she’d be jealous of me To live in the inside room, to have the keys to never be lonely It’s snowing outside what sweet day to hide out and Play some throwaway tunes And something in my heart is melting; it’s sweltering Mourning and missing my muse My song sister gets blisters from strumming guitars I’ve been breathless from my clarinet But I’ll tell you, my piano’s not hurt me yet So I’ll play all day And I think of Mick Kelly and how she’d be jealous of me To live in the inside room, to have the keys to never be lonely I've never been lonely I've never been lonely And all this time, I think I've forgotten how to speak
13.

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released April 2, 2021

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Callista London, UK

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